Life Lessons

Things I learned as a caregiver

Upon my retirement as a museum director, I decided to supplement my income by becoming a caregiver. Both daughters work as caregivers, and suggested I give it a try. In our area (as I suspect in most places) there is a great need, so I said sure. As a wife, mom, and grandmother, I’d been taking care of others for years.

That was two years ago and I found I am suited to the job. I am, however, giving up the work in the next couple of weeks as I prepare for two months of travel.

What I learned from this experience is going to stay with me for the rest of my life, especially since in the coming years, if I’m lucky, I will reach the age of those I’ve taken care of.

As a mother, I learned as much from my children as they learned from me. As a caregiver, the aged people in my charge are teaching me as much, but they are different life lessons. For one, I’m learning there is much to do to prepare for my own aging with respect to health and long-term care. I am fortunate to be the age I am now and have the time and cognitive ability to plan. Unfortunately, I realize preparations should have started decades ago. But I’m optimistic I can make up for lost time.

I’ve learned from my various clients what is important to them on a personal level. This includes independence, engagement with others, physical and mental activity, and regular bowel movements. Yes, bowel movements. No one feels comfortable blocked up so finding ways to increase the ability to poop is seriously at the top of the priority list. So are drops to keep old eyes moist.

As for the other items, each individual has preferences and each caregiver must adjust their care based on the client’s specific needs and wants. The most difficult thing to accept while aging, aside from physical limitations, is loss of control. Easing a client transitioning from making all their own decisions to having them made by someone else, be it a family member, caregiver, or facility where they may be housed is necessary and must be addressed with patience and respect above all.

My time with the men and women I have cared for in these two shorts years has been a privilege. I’ve learned so much, adding to my own life experiences. From one I learned how to raise beautiful roses by pruning and using the right fertilizer. From another, I was taught the art of healthy cooking, how to flavor foods using herbs, spices, and different ingredients I’d never used before. Another has increased my appreciation for music, taught me that One Love is a thing, and expanded my spiritual understanding. Spending hours, days, and months with those I met as a caregiver has blessed my life in so many ways.

In addition, my fellow caregivers deserve just as much recognition. The time, energy, compassion, to name just a few of the qualities of someone who cares for others, is immeasurable. We give so much of ourselves to care for those unable to completely care for themselves that it is exhausting, yet so rewarding.

My advice to anyone reading this is to take time to consider how you will enter the last chapters of your life. Don’t wait until you are already there. Plan. Discuss with loved ones. Know what options are available to you within your family, your bank account, and your community. Aging isn’t for the faint of heart. I am so grateful to those who I have been honored to care for. I thank them for what they have taught me.